AU Box

[lovesuwithknives]

Because I can't leave that Abstract Button alone, here's a bunch of AUs that roll about in my head that I figured I'd plop in here to see if anyone wants to bat them about.

Warnings apply for pretty much everything: smut, body horror, violence, nonconsensual science, cosmic horror, pregnancy, gender-switching, and probably more.


Wizarding AU
or
Harry Potter And The Contrived Fanfiction Plot

Is it Marauders-Era and you not only have to deal with them but this weirdo new Defence Against The Dark Arts instructor? Or, even worse, is this during the books and you have to deal with all of that plus this weirdo new Defence Against The Dark Arts instructor? What on earth was Dumbledore thinking? This man looks like he just crawled out from under the floorboards of Voldemort's own goddamn house. He makes Snape look trustworthy. But boy does he know his stuff. And all kinds of other stuff. So what's Professor Azwel really about?


Cthulhu Mythos AU
or
The Call Of The Thing On The Living Room Floor Of The Witch-House Of The Terrible Old Man With The Silver Key To The Challenge From Beyond The Wall Of AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Terrible things are afoot in New England in the 1920s. Fish-people and cultists and schlubs having horrible dreams are everywhere. Things are colours that don't exist. A squiggly symbol that scares the bejeezus out of you is scrawled on random surfaces. And what's that awful tekeli-li sound that rides the wind of an evening? What are those faceless flying creatures silhouetted against the moon? AND WHY IS AN EIGHT-FOOT-TALL BUG MAN THING CLAIMING HE'S RANDOLPH CARTER? Nobody knows except a strange mystic from Europe who calls himself only 'Azwel' and seems to know an awful lot about and awful lot of things. Things man (or woman or bug) was not meant to know! Do you follow him to the hilltops or into the cypress swamps or wherever else he says the horrible tomes direct him or do you do the smart thing and run screaming into the night, trailing As as you go?


Domestic Fluff
or
How I Married A Mad Alchemist

Ah, wedded bliss. Family life and home sweet home. Is there anything like it? Probably not. You are Mr. Or Mrs. Azwel. His first name is a secret he just might someday tell you. In the meantime, you now live in a big sprawling house with either three or seventeen cats (never any other number), a plethora of alchemical paraphernalia, and a husband whom you have to tempt out of the lab to eat. But he's wealthy. And he loves you more than anything. He just... has a very unconventional way of showing it.


Sex Slave
or
Fuggit, I'm Running Out Of Titles.

a Did you get bought from the sex slave market by this odd, mysterious nobleman who only goes by one name? How will this 'Lord Azwel' even treat you? Only one way to find out, as he's bringing you home to his mansion full of books and alchemy. Oh, my.

b You're looking for that special sex slave. Well, this fellow is certainly eye-catching, all big and manly, windswept and interesting. Watch out, though, the owner says he's a bit mad, too clever by three quarters, and was sold to him as punishment for some crime nobody will disclose.


Experiments? Oh My!
It can be any time, really, the aim is the same. This strange genius who calls himself only 'Azwel' has you locked up in his laboratory. He has a mission, you see, and that mission is to extract a very, very specific kind of energy from you. It can only be collected during orgasm. Oh, but he's terribly clever at getting people to that state....


Vampire AU
a Blaaaaaa! A mysterious alchemist who never goes out in the daytime has moved into that spooky castle. And at the same time there's tell of a mysterious fiend roaming the streets at night, ravishing nubile young maidens and... whatever the young gentleman equivalent may be... and draining their blood! Can anyone draw the obvious conclusion between these nocturnal shenanigans and that weird Count Azwel?

b You vampire, you! You've somehow gone and caught yourself a nosy alchemist who insists on being called only 'Azwel.' His fault for trying to investigate your castle/house/apartment/yurt/whatever, I suppose. Now what will you do with him? My, but he's a robust-looking fellow who'll certainly serve as a ready food supply....


Girl Genius AU
Explosions! Terrible mad science! Toothy monsters with cheesy accents! Giant switches actually labelled 'MUAH HA HA HA HA HA!' Gleeful destruction! Exclamation marks! Just what have you gotten yourself into walking into the midst of Mechanicsburg in a random era ruled by Azwel Heterodyne The Madder Than Usual?

Pet Person AU
a Who doesn't like a big fluffy kitty? A... really big, fluffy kitty. Even though he prefers to wear clothes, one can see just how fluffy Azwel is by his purple hair and beard, soft grey ears with purple tufts, and giant, fluffy purple and grey tail. Oh, but he'd make a lovely companion, if you can get him to stop chewing on you. His love is pointy, after all. His claws are so long they don't retract all the way, making him even pointier. But he's clever and just listen to that rumbling purr!

Oh, and one other thing. There's a very good chance he'll be in heat. And even if he's not, he's still very libidinous. Sorry about that.

b Are you the kind of pet person Azwel's looking for? He's after someone who can assist in his work and not push things off of shelves or knock things over with a wagging tail. A companion to curl up with on cold nights. A sexual partner. Is it you?

Sex Cult AU
There's a heady smoke in the air, a mist swirling grey-white under the full moon. A hypnotic drumbeat plays. Cloaked and hooded figures surround you, bear you along to the stone altar under the tall trees. They start a slow, circling dance and a low, sonorous chant slips into your hearing. At the altar stands another figure, clad in elabourate robes. He reaches up with beringed hands to remove his hood, revealing his face, long purple hair and beard surrounding pale features and a gaze that draws you in. He bids you step toward him. The ritual has begun.


As an added bonus, request Rule 63 of any of the above and hey, presto, Azwel was always a woman!


Got any other ideas? Feel free to throw them at me. ^.^

Comments

[wildphase]

"He destroyed some property," she says with a shrug, "It must have been something intentional, since I doubt they would have expelled someone who just messed up some kind of magic. I hear at least one teacher died," she says it with absolute nonchalance, but then, it really doesn't matter to her that someone died somewhere.

Besides, she always knew Carden had it in him.

But she does want to paint a very specific picture of Carden and him being a hooligan and murderer isn't it.

"They were probably torturing bunnies or something. Or other children. Or something of the like. He's not normally the violent sort but he's a Weatherford," she shrugs slightly, with a coy little smile, "We don't do things by half measures."

[lovesuwithknives]

Azwel's eyebrows go exploring his hairline for a moment, which is always a sight. Really, he could take off bottle tops with those things. But he doesn't look shocked--if anything, he looks impressed, which is further demonstrated by the brief laugh.

"Goodness, I can see why he'd want to lie low here, then! I look forward to finding out his side of it! I take it he's already on his way?"

[wildphase]

"Give me a bit of credit. I did want to at least ask you first," and then she grins mischievously, "But I do already have letter inviting him written and sealed to be sent immediately. I'm sure he'll agree rather than have to stay at Mother and Father's, though, so I also already took the liberty of preparing some rooms for him." Listen, she's learned very quickly that, as much as she doesn't always like having her business poked into, she does actually like Azwel, and he has an appreciation for her wit and sense of tactics.

It's why she's gifting her brother to him instead of slowly poisoning his tea or something. Besides, they'll be good for each other, she's sure of it.

"I imagine in truth it will take the better part of a week. But I'll make sure you're notified when he arrives.

---

Notified and conspicuously absent when he arrives, as a matter of fact. She just happens to have gone out to town the day he arrives with a trunk and a small suitcase on the steps of the manor and is let into the mansion proper, a servant scampering away to announce his arrival.

He's a bit small in the large entryway, dressed in nobleman's travel clothes he seems just a bit uncomfortable in, a sort of shrinking, shy air to him in an unfamiliar place, particularly finding out he's about to meet his sister's husband before his sister, or perhaps just the servants to shuffle him off. Nothing about him looks dangerous in the slightest, nothing about him suggests that he's been expelled, apparently for killing at least one person on purpose, though surely there must also be a story about why he's expelled and not arrested.

But power lies layered on him in a way he seems wholly unaware of, simmering just under the surface...

[lovesuwithknives]

"Touché!" he chortles.

It is, indeed, a fortunate thing that they've come to this kind of an accord--she really is enjoyable in her own way. Plus, not having his tea poisoned is a fact for which Azwel is eternally grateful. He's not perfected a universal remedy yet.

"Thank you, my dear. I do appreciate a bit of a warning."

---

So when Carden does arrive, he'll find everyone... if not exactly welcoming, then at the very least completely unsurprised. A few cats pad silently about, sniffing at his luggage. One of them saunters up to him with a small meow, rubbing its head against his ankle.

It's not long before said husband walks in, and hopefully Carden's been given a bit of a heads-up beforehand, otherwise he'll come as quite the shock, the big weirdo that he is. Between the ritual scarring, the attack eyebrows, the too-plentiful long wavy hair and beard and the robes, he looks like something that should have a thick accent and absolutely no understanding of present social norms. Instead he grins and puts out a hand to shake. "Ah, you must be Carden."

[wildphase]

He's reached down to skritch the top of a tiny cat head and, if the cat seems amenable, he'll even scoop it up. He's not exactly a natural with animals in general, but he's a wizard and cats are just kind of aligned with a lot of magical things to the point where they generally like him.

Carden has, of course, been given absolutely no warning whatsoever about Azwel from Felicity, so his eyebrows raise in obvious shock when he first comes barreling in. She'd said he was "a bit eccentric', that's all, so he's expecting... something... but not this.

"Uh, yes. A... pleasure to meet you, sir," he takes the hand, semi on autopilot. He's been raised well enough, even if he's already developing a very wizardly quirk of getting straight to the matter at hand, sometimes. Right now, he's thrown completely off any sort of "game" he might be said to posses and is really pretty much just staring. It's only prior high-society training that's moving him along at all.

[lovesuwithknives]

Oh, the kitty likes you. You is good hyoomin. When it's scooped up it starts to purr loudly.

"Bah, you're family, you can call me Azwel," Azwel replies. Another cat, sitting atop Carden's trunk, meows as though in agreement. "Besides, Nimue likes you. You can't be all that bad."

Then he notices Carden is sort of staring and tilts his head. "Are you all right?"

[wildphase]

Nimue liking him is generally a bigger problem than just having cat hair on his luggage. In this time and place, though, it gains her some petting, even while he's still holding the other cat. He'll be covered in them in a few more minutes if nature is allowed to run it's course.

"Uh you're... not really what I was imagining," there's that more wizardly directness, "But then I imagine neither is Felicity when she's described to people who have never met her, either," he smiles, a little stiffly, but mostly he's just still kind of nervous.

(That and his subconscious has noticed all of the things about Azwel that Felicity has been hoping he would notice. His conscious thoughts haven't caught up yet, though.)

[lovesuwithknives]

There will be a lot of cats about, yes. Get used to waking up covered in fuzzy little purring hot water bottles every morning.

"Usually she isn't, that's true. But curiosity compels me to ask what you were imagining?"

Oh, yes. His subconscious is picking up all that magickal radiation of Azwel's. It's an overabundance of life and swirling with Order and Chaos.

[wildphase]

He opens and closes his mouth a few times, but nothing comes out,

"Uh... my sincerest apologies, but I'm very much aware that there's no way to answer that where I don't sound like an absolute ass," he's flushed nearly to the tips of his ears and it's not just with embarrassment, "regardless of whether any of my speculations are correct or not." He looks like he'd very much like to just drop through the floor, thank you. "Regardless, I'll be careful to reserve any judgments, good or ill, until I actually know anything about you." He bows slightly, flustered.

[lovesuwithknives]

Blink. Blinkblink.

"So very diplomatic!" Azwel laughs the delighted laugh of someone genuinely tickled by something. "Touché, sir! I can't play fairer than that, can I?"

He's an odd one, this Azwel, but so strangely personable.

"At any rate, there's not much to be learnt in the foyer. Come with me, see the rest of the house. I'll have someone bring your things to your rooms."

[wildphase]

Carden flushes further, vaguely pleased even though he can't honestly tell if he's being complimented or made fun of. He sets down the kitten that has been curled in his arms and nods, stepping forwards to follow.

"I have to admit, I'm interested to see the house. Felicity mentioned that she very much enjoyed living here and I'm curious why she would have said so. She never mentions anything without a reason." Azwel is already learning that Carden is all of the honest Felicity isn't. It's hard to know if that's natural or some kind of defense mechanism from childhood. Either way, he's very trusting, perfectly willing to follow a strange man around his house while the only thing connecting them is conspicuously absent.

Not that there's any reason to believe Azwel would do anything to him of course, simply that there's an inherent risk to being alone with powerful men in their houses, regardless of their temperament.

[lovesuwithknives]

Inside the house the first thing that becomes abundantly clear is that apparently this house has been lived in for several generations. Paintings line the walls, some new, many very old. The floor, while clean, is shiny and faded from the tread of countless feet. Alcoves and niches hold vases or small statues from a wide variety of times and places.

But the thing that manages to overshadow that is the lights. Instead of holding candles, the wall sconces hold small glowing orbs surrounded by odd arrays of lenses and mirrors, all connected by rods and gears and pulleys. They magnify the light from the orbs until it's almost as bright inside as it would be outside on a sunny day.

"Well, I'd hope it was me that she enjoyed, but I'll admit a great deal of it is down to the house," Azwel chortles. "It's been in my family for ten generations and each generation has added rooms or various innovations. The lights are my contribution."

With eyes as nearly colourless as his are, it makes sense he'd need a lot of light.

He doesn't leave Carden much time to take in this odd lighting system before he sweeps on. "Now, let's see... there's the library," whups, walking past it too fast to do more than glance in through the doorway, "The solarium, and we'll come back to that in a moment," goodness, that's a lot of plants, "the kitchen, but no-one is allowed in there at this time of day on pain of a rolling pin to the head." Good to know. He continues, showing the lavish dining room and an honest-to-god ballroom before making his way to the stairs.

"Right, upstairs is all the bedrooms, and below-stairs is the servant's quarters and the laboratory, which I'm certain you're going to want to see, yes?"

[wildphase]

Carden falls in love with the house instantly, something that's plain to see on his face as they pass through the rooms, even though it's a whirlwind tour.

Powered lighting isn't wholly a new concept to Carden but he can tell these lights are different from the ones at the University, a different energy or a different set-up, and he gets distracted by them long before Azwel draws attention to them.

"I'll want to pick your brain about those, if you have the time," he says, polite but definitely eager. But he lets the tour continue until Azwel mentions the laboratory and he blinks, surprised,

"You'd... let me go down there?" he's never been in someone else's sanctum before and he's entirely too aware that he's now got a reputation for exploding things. "Aren't you... worried?" About the exploding thing. About revealing secrets.

[lovesuwithknives]

"Well, if I'm there, I'm sure I can stop anything untoward or explosive happening," Azwel replies. Again, his good-naturedly amused tone makes it difficult to get at his true meaning, but at least he's not mocking Carden?

He starts town the stairs, motioning for the other to follow. "Besides, if you're anything like me, and I'm beginning to suspect you are, at least a little, you'll make your way down here yourself to see what all the proverbial shouting's about. I'm certain Felicity has said something about it. If nothing else than how much of my time it takes up." The first landing does, indeed, seem to branch off into hallways and rooms, and Azwel continues down more stairs. "Which, I'm sure, she considers a blessing. She and I do, at least, agree that we value our time to ourselves...." Though she seems to value it more, hangs in the air, unsaid but clearly implied.

These stairs terminate in a heavy oak door that he pulls open with relative ease. And beyond that door is a large cool-aired space filled with shelves and workbenches and tables bearing supplies and devices of nearly every description, all illuminated by a much larger and brighter example of the same lighting system.

"At the very least, I feel I ought to let you in on just what occupies my time, yes?"

[wildphase]

"She's mentioned it in passing, I suppose. She's much more interested in singing your praises than complaining about you, however, at least recently," it's clear from his tone that he's a bit puzzled by this. Felicity isn't dour or anything, but it is unusual to hear her so... effusive, to the point that he suspects she's up to something.

He's right, of course.

He's not quite floored by the array of books and strange items in the room, but he's just been expelled from wizard school so there's got to be stuff kind of like this there. He is, however, plenty suitably impressed as he looks around.

"This must have taken a very long time to assemble. It's not shocking to see something like this at a university, but for it to be held by private hands is impressive," he smiles, "If you don't mind the company sometimes, I should definitely like to help you."

[lovesuwithknives]

"Oh, has she?" he chuckles. "Dare I ask what she's been saying?"

He leans casually against the wall, just watching Carden's reaction. "I'll admit some of these have been in the family for a while. Science and alchemy have been the family business for several generations, after all."

At the offer he smiles a genuinely pleased smile. "I'd ask if you're after my secrets, but with no descendants all this will have to be passed down to someone." A beat where his expression goes a little softer. "And I would be glad of the company."

[wildphase]

Carden opens his mouth at the last, there, partially to insist Azwel's not that much older than he is and then also to remind him that he is going to have descendants because he's married to Carden's sister and he doesn't really want to think too hard about that.

But then he realizes two things simultaneously. The first being that maybe Azwel actually is that much older than him, which for some reason immediately makes him flush ever so slightly, though he's not wholly sure why. And the second is that if Felicity hasn't had a child by now, either she's deliberately trying not to, or Azwel can't have children and either thing isn't exactly a situation not fraught with immediate peril if he opens his mouth, so he closes it, decisively. He's entirely more forthright than Felicity is, but he's not stupid, nor entirely without cunning.

"It would be an honor Lor-- Azwel," he only barely catches it, but he grins a little sheepishly afterwards, which turns the words less formal. "And if I'm to seek asylum here for a time, it would only be right for me to repay that kindness."

He's just going to ignore that very first question for now. If Azwel comes back to it later, he's not hiding the answer, per say, but he's not particularly eager to give it, either.

[lovesuwithknives]

Azwel does look rather mature, his face slightly lined, his cheekbones quite prominent, his broad shoulders evident even under the layers of clothing. The slightly wolfish look to his features promise a great deal of knowledge in the kind of things that just aren't taught.

One eyebrow flicks upward slightly seeing that speechlessness and that blush. He's starting to suspect Felicity might have plans for the two of them. Dirty, dirty plans.

"Excellent," he says, smiling.

His smile grows a little canny. "Now--I am very curious. What has Felicity been telling you?"

[wildphase]

Felicity can be subtle as an assassin with her plots when she chooses to be but in this case, the plot really only works if at some point, Azwel realizes what's happening, at least on some level. The trap for Carden is really more passive, in the sense that she knows how he is. He doesn't have to realize what's happening to walk right into it. But Azwel does.

The blush deepens further at the question, and Carden makes a little stammered, choked noise,

"Uh... you know how she is," that's supposed to be an answer in itself, but so long as Azwel stays expectantly silent, Carden will grow even more red after another moment, "She's... ah... very happy with her marital duties," he manages, then clears his throat, "Uh. And she finds you a good conversationalist." He finishes, lamely.

[lovesuwithknives]

If Azwel doesn't know completely by now he's well on his way to it. "Hmmm, if I didn't know better I'd say she's trying to set us up with one another," he purrs, his grin going positively wicked, now.

Most people would be scandalised by such an idea. But, as has become abundantly clear on every other level, Azwel is not most people. And, he reckons, neither is Carden.

[wildphase]

"What? No, no she woul-" she would, "That's not-" it probably is. He sputters for a few more moments, blush rioting across his cheeks.

"She's a menace. Is nothing sacred?" he finally mutters, but it's said like a sibling and it's becoming increasingly noticeable the more he stammers and blushes that not one of the half formed arguments or protestations has anything to do with him not wanting to.

[lovesuwithknives]

"Nothing. Well, some things. But, really, anything sacred must be, by definition, esoteric. Intangible. Ideals and such." A beat. "Surely you're not scandalised?"

He takes a casual step forward, that Big Bad Wolf grin never wavering.

[wildphase]

"I'm definitely scandalized!" he asserts. The problem is that's not all he is. He sort of stumbles back a step when Azwel comes forward, but it's less about escape and more just a physical show of how off-balance he is. There's a table right there, behind him and he sets his hands on the edge of it, steadying himself by leaning back on it just slightly and he's not at all aware how inviting that turns his posture, but he can't honestly say he would stop it if he did.

That's the problem here, as Azwel comes forward with that grin. He knows he should stop this, needs to reassert some kind of sanity here, but he really doesn't want to. He can't even say yet that it's Azwel's brains he's attracted to, for all he knows, the man could just have an impressive alchemical collection. There's not even that to fall back on as an excuse.

He's dimly aware that this is the kind of thing noble houses do all the time, that his sister has practically gift-wrapped him, that she's hardly going to mind, but it's not the kind of thing he'd ever thought he'd get mixed up in.

(Then again, torrid affair is probably less scandalous than "killed a professor at school because he was hurting students" really, so there's not even fully a leg to stand on there.)

[lovesuwithknives]

The moment Carden steps backward Azwel stops stepping forward. The smile on his face doesn't flee, but it does turn a little wry. "Ah, I'm moving too fast, it seems. My enthusiasm for everything does run away with me at times," he says lightly, though his gaze keenly watches every reaction.

"I shall put a question to you, then. What does feeling scandalised mean to you? Does it spark outrage? Disgust? Fear, perhaps? Or maybe curiosity, or even a kind of exhilaration?" he finishes, the grin going a bit lopsided in an unfairly charming way.

[wildphase]

"You're serious?" he's usually at least a little more politic than this, but everything feels like it's spinning. He's not really aware that Azwel's stopped moving forward but then, he's not really aware that he'd moved backwards, either. "You'd just..." he flushes but he keeps his mouth moving, "... take me to bed? Felicity could be back at any point and you'd... But I'm here for a while." This isn't just about the sex, this is at least the "threat" of an affair. In the same house as Azwel's wife.

Who had set this up.

Carden feels dizzy for more than one reason.

He also still very notably hasn't said anything about either not liking men or not liking Azwel. The objection seems moral, based on some kind of principles, not personal.