AU Box

[lovesuwithknives]

Because I can't leave that Abstract Button alone, here's a bunch of AUs that roll about in my head that I figured I'd plop in here to see if anyone wants to bat them about.

Warnings apply for pretty much everything: smut, body horror, violence, nonconsensual science, cosmic horror, pregnancy, gender-switching, and probably more.


Wizarding AU
or
Harry Potter And The Contrived Fanfiction Plot

Is it Marauders-Era and you not only have to deal with them but this weirdo new Defence Against The Dark Arts instructor? Or, even worse, is this during the books and you have to deal with all of that plus this weirdo new Defence Against The Dark Arts instructor? What on earth was Dumbledore thinking? This man looks like he just crawled out from under the floorboards of Voldemort's own goddamn house. He makes Snape look trustworthy. But boy does he know his stuff. And all kinds of other stuff. So what's Professor Azwel really about?


Cthulhu Mythos AU
or
The Call Of The Thing On The Living Room Floor Of The Witch-House Of The Terrible Old Man With The Silver Key To The Challenge From Beyond The Wall Of AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Terrible things are afoot in New England in the 1920s. Fish-people and cultists and schlubs having horrible dreams are everywhere. Things are colours that don't exist. A squiggly symbol that scares the bejeezus out of you is scrawled on random surfaces. And what's that awful tekeli-li sound that rides the wind of an evening? What are those faceless flying creatures silhouetted against the moon? AND WHY IS AN EIGHT-FOOT-TALL BUG MAN THING CLAIMING HE'S RANDOLPH CARTER? Nobody knows except a strange mystic from Europe who calls himself only 'Azwel' and seems to know an awful lot about and awful lot of things. Things man (or woman or bug) was not meant to know! Do you follow him to the hilltops or into the cypress swamps or wherever else he says the horrible tomes direct him or do you do the smart thing and run screaming into the night, trailing As as you go?


Domestic Fluff
or
How I Married A Mad Alchemist

Ah, wedded bliss. Family life and home sweet home. Is there anything like it? Probably not. You are Mr. Or Mrs. Azwel. His first name is a secret he just might someday tell you. In the meantime, you now live in a big sprawling house with either three or seventeen cats (never any other number), a plethora of alchemical paraphernalia, and a husband whom you have to tempt out of the lab to eat. But he's wealthy. And he loves you more than anything. He just... has a very unconventional way of showing it.


Sex Slave
or
Fuggit, I'm Running Out Of Titles.

a Did you get bought from the sex slave market by this odd, mysterious nobleman who only goes by one name? How will this 'Lord Azwel' even treat you? Only one way to find out, as he's bringing you home to his mansion full of books and alchemy. Oh, my.

b You're looking for that special sex slave. Well, this fellow is certainly eye-catching, all big and manly, windswept and interesting. Watch out, though, the owner says he's a bit mad, too clever by three quarters, and was sold to him as punishment for some crime nobody will disclose.


Experiments? Oh My!
It can be any time, really, the aim is the same. This strange genius who calls himself only 'Azwel' has you locked up in his laboratory. He has a mission, you see, and that mission is to extract a very, very specific kind of energy from you. It can only be collected during orgasm. Oh, but he's terribly clever at getting people to that state....


Vampire AU
a Blaaaaaa! A mysterious alchemist who never goes out in the daytime has moved into that spooky castle. And at the same time there's tell of a mysterious fiend roaming the streets at night, ravishing nubile young maidens and... whatever the young gentleman equivalent may be... and draining their blood! Can anyone draw the obvious conclusion between these nocturnal shenanigans and that weird Count Azwel?

b You vampire, you! You've somehow gone and caught yourself a nosy alchemist who insists on being called only 'Azwel.' His fault for trying to investigate your castle/house/apartment/yurt/whatever, I suppose. Now what will you do with him? My, but he's a robust-looking fellow who'll certainly serve as a ready food supply....


Girl Genius AU
Explosions! Terrible mad science! Toothy monsters with cheesy accents! Giant switches actually labelled 'MUAH HA HA HA HA HA!' Gleeful destruction! Exclamation marks! Just what have you gotten yourself into walking into the midst of Mechanicsburg in a random era ruled by Azwel Heterodyne The Madder Than Usual?

Pet Person AU
a Who doesn't like a big fluffy kitty? A... really big, fluffy kitty. Even though he prefers to wear clothes, one can see just how fluffy Azwel is by his purple hair and beard, soft grey ears with purple tufts, and giant, fluffy purple and grey tail. Oh, but he'd make a lovely companion, if you can get him to stop chewing on you. His love is pointy, after all. His claws are so long they don't retract all the way, making him even pointier. But he's clever and just listen to that rumbling purr!

Oh, and one other thing. There's a very good chance he'll be in heat. And even if he's not, he's still very libidinous. Sorry about that.

b Are you the kind of pet person Azwel's looking for? He's after someone who can assist in his work and not push things off of shelves or knock things over with a wagging tail. A companion to curl up with on cold nights. A sexual partner. Is it you?

Sex Cult AU
There's a heady smoke in the air, a mist swirling grey-white under the full moon. A hypnotic drumbeat plays. Cloaked and hooded figures surround you, bear you along to the stone altar under the tall trees. They start a slow, circling dance and a low, sonorous chant slips into your hearing. At the altar stands another figure, clad in elabourate robes. He reaches up with beringed hands to remove his hood, revealing his face, long purple hair and beard surrounding pale features and a gaze that draws you in. He bids you step toward him. The ritual has begun.


As an added bonus, request Rule 63 of any of the above and hey, presto, Azwel was always a woman!


Got any other ideas? Feel free to throw them at me. ^.^

Comments

[goldenglasses]

Vash face does turn a shade red at the teasing. It also doesn't help that Azwel looks pretty cute with the way his ears flatten against his head when he yawns. He clears his throat and attempts to get back in control. "So, um, you can take the bed. I can just... I'm not that tired. I'll just stay up a bit longer." Translation? He's going to try to sleep in the uncomfortable looking metal chair in the room.

[lovesuwithknives]

"You can join me," he says with a slight smile. After a beat, though, his mien grows more sincere. "I promise I won't do anything you don't wish me to. To be honest, I'm told I'm a pretty heavy sleeper. I likely won't even notice. But I'd appreciate the warmth."

[goldenglasses]

"It's alright. It's a small bed and I'm not exactly... comfortable to be smashed up against while sleeping. I snore and tend to roll around a lot." He also has a lot of scars. So many scars that his pajamas would mostly hide, but given how small the bed is there was no way Azwel wouldn't be likely to brush up against one in his sleep.

[lovesuwithknives]

Azwel almost points out he, himself, would be better off on the floor or a random piece of furniture, as the ability to sleep anywhere is another thing his people share with actual cats. He even goes so far as to take a breath to speak, to say just that, or to try one of any number of tactics he's gathered over the years to get someone into bed with him.

But weariness overtakes him, instead. He wobbles slightly. "Oh..." he blinks. "Well... I don't like to kick a man out of his own bed, but... I fear I haven't a choice, it seems."

Now, he'd best lie down before he falls down. So he does just that, lying on top of the bed. It's not long at all before he's asleep. But what's that sound?

Purring. He's so content that he's purring in his sleep.

Do you want him to get spotted as a wanted man? Or everyone to stay clueless?

[goldenglasses]

Vash sighs softly and smiles when he hears that purring. He waits a couple hours to make sure Azwel is completely asleep before leaving some donuts out on a table for him to find. Then he heads out again. Looking to find someplace around here that might hire Azwel to work for them.

He starts getting frustrated when nearly all of them tell him to try the brothels. The problem starts coming when Vash hears whispers in the street that Vash the Stampede might be in town. Shit. Looks like he's been drawing too much attention to himself. He decides to head back to the room now.

Spotted! Oh noes!

[lovesuwithknives]

When Vash comes back he'll find Azwel has woken up and eaten and is oddly happy. He'll open the door to find him stretched out on his back on the sofa, idly tossing a ball of wadded-up paper in the air and catching it. He stops and tilts his head backward until he sees an upside-down Vash and grins.

"Hullo again! Where did you go?"

[goldenglasses]

"For a walk." Vash responds with a smile. "Did you leave any donuts for me?" He walks over and looks at where the donuts once were. He didn't mind if there weren't any left and will settle for eating a few crumbs. "So, before I showed up how do you usually survive around town?" Vash thinks he has a day or two before his cover is blown. He needs to quickly decide if it will be safe to ditch Azwel here of if he'll have to drag this cat around the desert.

[lovesuwithknives]

Azwel watches him, upside-down, as he makes his way to the table, his expression wide-eyed and innocent. So, no, he didn't leave any. But when Vash asks his question Azwel rolls off the sofa and then sits on it in a manner maybe approaching normal. For the moment.

"It wasn't in this town, unfortunately," he says. "But in the city not far from here I worked as a chemist. Then the lab burned down. Some kind of fighting happened, I was told. Well, I wanted to get out and see a few more places, anyway, so I came here. I was hoping to find work here, but the townies don't take well to my kind, it seems." He huffs. "I've worked in brothels, but I'd gotten tired of that, hence the chemistry."

[goldenglasses]

"Chemistry." Vash whistles. "Well, you've certainly had much better jobs than I have." He had no idea how to get a job like that one for someone. "How do you feel about a wait--"

"STAMPEDE!" Vash is suddenly interrupted before he can finish 'waitress job' by a voice from outside. Sounding very much like the man from the night before. Followed by a fairly numerous amount of laughter. Someone had brought a lot more friends this time. "I know you're up there Stampede. If you and your pet don't come down here then we'll come up there to you in exactly ten seconds."

Vash's eyes slide over from the window back to Azwel. "Do you think he means you?"

[lovesuwithknives]

Azwel startles at that shout, ears flicking back and tail fluffing until it's nearly as big around as he is. He glances out the window, quickly noting the number of people out there and whether any of them appear armed.

"Considering how familiar he looks... I think he means us."

Even if he does figure Vash would loudly deny that Azwel is his pet.

[goldenglasses]

"TEN."

Vash groans and slides up to the window. Peering out carefully. Damn. That was a lot of people and a lot of weapons. Nothing he couldn't deal with on his own, but with someone? "I think our friend down there is a bit mistaken."

"NINE."

"I'll go talk to him."

"EIGHT."

"You should head out the back and hurry to the next town."

"SEVEN."

"Take whatever you need out of my pack."

"SIX."

"ALRIGHT!" Vash shouts now out the window. "We're coming down!" Vash smiles at Azwel and pats him on the shoulder. "I'll go work out this misunderstanding. You go on ahead and I'll see you in Octovern, alright?" Vash will turn and start heading towards the door. Apparently completely serious about heading straight out into the mob.

[lovesuwithknives]

Azwel is, if anything, confused. A little touched by this kind of sacrifice--tailless folk never do that for his people. Then again, he's beginning to suspect Vash isn't anything like most tailless.

He's so flabbergasted, in fact, that he can't bring himself to even say anything, much less stop him as he walks out the door. It takes several moments before he can even shake himself back into the present. By that time he can hear Vash talking to the people outside.

Quickly, he darts through the door and down the back steps...

And then stops. He can't let this soft-hearted fool get himself killed. It just wouldn't sit right with him at all. He paces back and forth a few steps, tail lashing. He's buying Azwel time to get out. But who knows that that mob will do to him? He has to help him. Azwel growls softly at his own conscience. Fine. FINE, he'll go and help out this silly man.

So he skirts round the building, keeping to shadows, soundless.

[goldenglasses]

Vash heads out to the mob with his hands up. The smile and laughter diffuses some of the mob's thunder. They can't believe this meek looking man could possibly be the Vash the Stampede. Especially when he does nothing to stop the sucker punch to his face. Surely Vash the Stampede wouldn't whine like the way this man just did at taking one punch.

One man grabs Vash's hair and another two grab his arms. "Where's your pet? Even if you ain't the typhoon you have to be banging that pussy."

Vash simply smiles and gives his shoulder a shrug. "Left in the night. Don't know where-oof!" The man hits Vash again.

"Don't feed me that crap. I saw that thing in the hotel earlier. So where is he."

Vash sees where Azwel is and he is not happy. "Don't believe me? Why don't you go search my room. You'll see he's gone! LONG GONE"

[lovesuwithknives]

Azwel finds himself wincing every time Vash is struck. Ooo, that looks painful. His fur bristles at the implications that mob are making--sure he would have sex with him, but, honestly, do they have to be so crass about it?

The shout of 'long gone,' however, makes him duck out of sight. He flattens himself against the wall, frowning. Does Vash have some kind of plan?

CW: Threats of noncon. Not that Vash is going to allow anything to happen

[goldenglasses]

Vash certainly does not have a plan. He's sort of making it up as he goes. "Go check out his room." Three men rush inside the hotel, but there's still a pretty big group gathered.

"Aw, come on guys. Can't we talk about this? Or at least, can they be careful not to break anything? This hotel will charge me if anything is broken and I'm not sure I can afford to replace anything!" Vash whines in an annoying voice. Apparently not at all aware of the very serious trouble he was in.

Azwel's sharper hearing might be able to pick up the murmer in the crowd. This couldn't be the legendary Vash the Stampede. Mankind's first humanoid natural disaster. The humanoid typhoon worth sixty billion double dollars dead or alive. The man so deadly and dangerous that he's destroyed one city and put a giant hole in one of the five moons. Surely this pathetic man who had been so easy to catch couldn't be him. In fact a couple of the mob wander off. No longer interested as it was clear to them this wasn't going to get them a big pay check.

"Nothin' up here. Must have cleared out already." One of the thugs call out from the window.

Angerily the leader grabs Vash's chin in the vice grip. "You bastard! You think you can mock me again?"

Vash winces at the rough treatment, but continues to smile. "Me? Mock? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. I tried to tell you he was gone."

The man begins to grin wickidly. "Fine then. If the cat is gone I'll take it out on your ass instead. We can take turns." Now Vash's eyes grow dark and turn cold. A couple more people leave. They were here for a bounty. Not this but the two men hanging onto Vash stay. "Let's find us somewhere quiet." The ringleader signals the group to follow him, but when they try to push Vash forward he doesn't budge.

"We're done here." Vash says quietly. "I don't care if you hit me, but that's far enough. I suggest if you don't like pain that you leave now and stop chasing after me and him." Vash's voice is so chilling that a few do start to back away, but he's also very clearly outnumbered still.

What will Azwel do?

[lovesuwithknives]

Were they really planning to--he peeks round the corner again. The mob have gotten smaller but there are still far too many of them. Even that cold look in Vash's eyes and the equally frigid tone in his voice doesn't quite fill him with confidence.

He ducks behind the wall again. Oh, he hates having to do this, it's so undignified.... But he can't let this stand. He takes a couple breaths.

An instant later he bursts out of hiding at a run and leaps. One foot slams into the leader's head, and Azwel's momentum carries him forward, leaving the man in a groaning heap as they tumble to the ground. Azwel snaps to his feet an instant later, and he is quite the sight, hair puffed out and ears pushed back, claws unsheathed and teeth bared. The next person to step forward gets clawed in the blink of an eye, a blow that draws blood but still leaves him standing.

He knows he's getting himself in a tonne of trouble, but he couldn't walk away.

[goldenglasses]

"There's the cat." The men smirk. This was the other half of what they came for. The bounty may not have panned out, but they could still have a bit of fun. Or so they think before one is crying out in pain and holding his bleeding face.

"Hey!" Vash shouts. Both impressed by Azwel's grace as he jumps off the man's head, but also slightly worried too. A second person in a fight means his attention is now split four ways between what he was doing, what these men were doing, keeping Azwel safe, and making sure Azwel didn't kill anyone and vise versa. "Be careful not to kill anyone with those claws!" As he shouts this he shows a suddenly and remarkable amount of strength in his arms. With a quick flex of his arms the two men holding onto Vash are helpless to stop as he slams the two of them together in front of him. They let go to clutch at their pounding heads. "Besides didn't I tell you to get out of here?"

[lovesuwithknives]

"I couldn't! Not after what I heard they wanted to do to you!" He ducks and dodges as one of the men tries to grab him, proving once again that you can't grab a cat that doesn't want to be grabbed. He leaps briefly onto another thug and kicks him forward, causing them both to smack into each other and tumble to the ground in a cursing heap.

"Besides, two of us can take them down faster!" He may be feeling better than he was before, and he's clearly used to fighting his way out of a hostile crowd, but it's obvious by his use of speed and misdirection that he's only good in a rather short fight.

He's constantly moving, dodging and striking, leaping, almost impossible to track.

[goldenglasses]

"True." Vash admits as he watches Azwel fight. His free hands reaching up to smash the two men's heads together once more. They fall over in a heap. Another man starts to remove his pistol to shoot the to of them and Vash finally pulls out his own gun even faster. Except instead of shooting Vash pops open the barrel and lets the bullets go flying. They smack the man in the head and he's so surprised that he fires his gun off. Hitting one of his friend's foot. The other man screams and starts jumping around holding his bleeding foot. "You're actually not to bad at this." Vash grabs the gun from the man as he looks horrified at his friend. Throwing it at a third man who comes charging forward at Vash. It clocks him square in the head as he falls backwards; out cold.

[lovesuwithknives]

"Thanks! I've had to get very good at this!" What can he say, he's a cat-man with a snarky disposition and a tendency to attract trouble. Though, for all his cheer, he is starting to sound a little breathless. He sends another thug tumbling to the ground with a kick and dances several steps backward, ears swivelling. He pivots and throws the man charging him so that he thumps into the one who was just kicked, sending them both to the ground again.

"We should probably run soon, though...."

[goldenglasses]

"Yeah, before they finally think to pull out their--"

"Just shoot the bastards!" The man with the bleeding nose shouts at last as Vash sighs dramatically, but seemingly unconcerned as everyone starts drawing their pistols to aim at the pair.

"Aw, man. I hate wasting bullets." Suddenly gunshots fill the air. Nearly instantly every single man who drew a gun is shouting in pain. Holding their hands as their weapons are shot right out of them. "They can be so expensive!"

Now a couple of the men panic. Nervously they start to back away. "Holy shit you guys. It- It really is him! Vash the Stampede! We got to get out of here!" They all scatter like flies and even the ring leader look petrified.

"Shall we get some lunch and head out?" Vash says with a meek bit of laughter.

[lovesuwithknives]

"Vash... the... Stampede?" Azwel echoes cluelessly. Then he shrugs.

"Never heard of him."

[goldenglasses]

One of the younger guys actually stops mid running away to stare in disbelief at Azwel. "You got to be kidding! The humanoid typhoon!? The legendary gunman?! You got to get out of here! You an idiot!? He's not worth sixty billion double dollars for nuthin' you know! He's an actual diablo! He's the reason July was blown off the map! Look up at the moon sometime you moron! That big hole in the fifth moon!? That's because of him! You keep hanging around him and you're gonna die!

He rapes! Steals! Tortures! Murders! If he's keeping you as a pet you're screwed man! I'm out of here!"

The youth takes off running and doesn't look back. Vash shrugs and half smiles at Azwel. "I don't do all that. ANd I'm not keeping you as a pet. I hope you know that."

[lovesuwithknives]

Azwel listens to all of that, his expression growing progressively more incredulous until his eyebrows threaten to twirl around each other and run off with his ears. He takes a breath to speak but thinks better of it, especially when the youth runs off in a cloud of dust.

A small breeze blows.

"I didn't leave the lab much," Azwel confesses with a shrug. The scenery would have fallen over were it capable of doing so.

He looks at Vash again when he speaks and appears oddly... conflicted.

"I didn't think you did. People who do that sort of thing have a scent to them that you haven't got." A beat. "I'll admit I'm a little sad that you won't keep me. You seem kind."

[goldenglasses]

Vash holds out his arms gesturing to the men unconscious at their feet. "My life is a bit hectic. You won't be safe with me around. It's best that I find you some sort of work the next town we get to." Although Vash smiles a bit honestly this time. "But thanks... for thinking I'm kind."