lovesuwithknives

AU Box

Because I can't leave that Abstract Button alone, here's a bunch of AUs that roll about in my head that I figured I'd plop in here to see if anyone wants to bat them about.

Warnings apply for pretty much everything: smut, body horror, violence, nonconsensual science, cosmic horror, pregnancy, gender-switching, and probably more.

Wizarding AU
or
Harry Potter And The Contrived Fanfiction Plot

Is it Marauders-Era and you not only have to deal with them but this weirdo new Defence Against The Dark Arts instructor? Or, even worse, is this during the books and you have to deal with all of that plus this weirdo new Defence Against The Dark Arts instructor? What on earth was Dumbledore thinking? This man looks like he just crawled out from under the floorboards of Voldemort's own goddamn house. He makes Snape look trustworthy. But boy does he know his stuff. And all kinds of other stuff. So what's Professor Azwel really about?

Cthulhu Mythos AU
or
The Call Of The Thing On The Living Room Floor Of The Witch-House Of The Terrible Old Man With The Silver Key To The Challenge From Beyond The Wall Of AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Terrible things are afoot in New England in the 1920s. Fish-people and cultists and schlubs having horrible dreams are everywhere. Things are colours that don't exist. A squiggly symbol that scares the bejeezus out of you is scrawled on random surfaces. And what's that awful tekeli-li sound that rides the wind of an evening? What are those faceless flying creatures silhouetted against the moon? AND WHY IS AN EIGHT-FOOT-TALL BUG MAN THING CLAIMING HE'S RANDOLPH CARTER? Nobody knows except a strange mystic from Europe who calls himself only 'Azwel' and seems to know an awful lot about and awful lot of things. Things man (or woman or bug) was not meant to know! Do you follow him to the hilltops or into the cypress swamps or wherever else he says the horrible tomes direct him or do you do the smart thing and run screaming into the night, trailing As as you go?

Domestic Fluff
or
How I Married A Mad Alchemist

Ah, wedded bliss. Family life and home sweet home. Is there anything like it? Probably not. You are Mr. Or Mrs. Azwel. His first name is a secret he just might someday tell you. In the meantime, you now live in a big sprawling house with either three or seventeen cats (never any other number), a plethora of alchemical paraphernalia, and a husband whom you have to tempt out of the lab to eat. But he's wealthy. And he loves you more than anything. He just... has a very unconventional way of showing it.

Sex Slave
or
Fuggit, I'm Running Out Of Titles.

a Did you get bought from the sex slave market by this odd, mysterious nobleman who only goes by one name? How will this 'Lord Azwel' even treat you? Only one way to find out, as he's bringing you home to his mansion full of books and alchemy. Oh, my.

b You're looking for that special sex slave. Well, this fellow is certainly eye-catching, all big and manly, windswept and interesting. Watch out, though, the owner says he's a bit mad, too clever by three quarters, and was sold to him as punishment for some crime nobody will disclose.

Experiments? Oh My!
It can be any time, really, the aim is the same. This strange genius who calls himself only 'Azwel' has you locked up in his laboratory. He has a mission, you see, and that mission is to extract a very, very specific kind of energy from you. It can only be collected during orgasm. Oh, but he's terribly clever at getting people to that state....

Vampire AU
a Blaaaaaa! A mysterious alchemist who never goes out in the daytime has moved into that spooky castle. And at the same time there's tell of a mysterious fiend roaming the streets at night, ravishing nubile young maidens and... whatever the young gentleman equivalent may be... and draining their blood! Can anyone draw the obvious conclusion between these nocturnal shenanigans and that weird Count Azwel?

b You vampire, you! You've somehow gone and caught yourself a nosy alchemist who insists on being called only 'Azwel.' His fault for trying to investigate your castle/house/apartment/yurt/whatever, I suppose. Now what will you do with him? My, but he's a robust-looking fellow who'll certainly serve as a ready food supply....

Girl Genius AU
Explosions! Terrible mad science! Toothy monsters with cheesy accents! Giant switches actually labelled 'MUAH HA HA HA HA HA!' Gleeful destruction! Exclamation marks! Just what have you gotten yourself into walking into the midst of Mechanicsburg in a random era ruled by Azwel Heterodyne The Madder Than Usual?

Pet Person AU
a Who doesn't like a big fluffy kitty? A... really big, fluffy kitty. Even though he prefers to wear clothes, one can see just how fluffy Azwel is by his purple hair and beard, soft grey ears with purple tufts, and giant, fluffy purple and grey tail. Oh, but he'd make a lovely companion, if you can get him to stop chewing on you. His love is pointy, after all. His claws are so long they don't retract all the way, making him even pointier. But he's clever and just listen to that rumbling purr!

Oh, and one other thing. There's a very good chance he'll be in heat. And even if he's not, he's still very libidinous. Sorry about that.

b Are you the kind of pet person Azwel's looking for? He's after someone who can assist in his work and not push things off of shelves or knock things over with a wagging tail. A companion to curl up with on cold nights. A sexual partner. Is it you?

Sex Cult AU
There's a heady smoke in the air, a mist swirling grey-white under the full moon. A hypnotic drumbeat plays. Cloaked and hooded figures surround you, bear you along to the stone altar under the tall trees. They start a slow, circling dance and a low, sonorous chant slips into your hearing. At the altar stands another figure, clad in elabourate robes. He reaches up with beringed hands to remove his hood, revealing his face, long purple hair and beard surrounding pale features and a gaze that draws you in. He bids you step toward him. The ritual has begun.

As an added bonus, request Rule 63 of any of the above and hey, presto, Azwel was always a woman!

Got any other ideas? Feel free to throw them at me. ^.^

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"Usually doesn't mean it has to be all the time." Vash says with a gentle smile. "It should be about what you want as well. Not just what I want."

Azwel goes quiet, thinking. He'd been told for as long as he can remember that the tailless ones always wanted something from his people. It's why he'd decided to always get there, first. And yet, now, this one is being so... kind. He knows their ways and yet he can't find any guile in what he's hearing.

This Vash fellow really believes what he's saying.

So it makes Azwel stop and really ponder whether he wants to fuck or not. There's always a low-level desire there, sitting in the back of his mind, watchful and heated. And yet he hasn't completely recovered from that dizziness. Oh, but Vash is so intriguing... but he's weary....

He eases his hand away from the other's arm. "You're not like the others," he says. "You're... kind. It's not something I'm used to. It's... it's good, though." His tail relaxes somewhat, slipping from around him. "But I won't lie, I... need to be touched. Like all of my people do."

"Really? You need it? You don't mean that you want it?" Vash hadn't considered that before. He always thought that most of Azwel's kind had simply wanted sex or had been forced into it. He had never considered a need to be a part of it.

To feel his hot release fill her was intense as it felt like liquid fire was being poured into her core as she gasped, the sensation stealing all breath and sense from her as her body begged for every last drop from him.

Even as she floated in her orgasmic high, it was hard for her to focus. His warm hands caressed her face, followed by heated breathless kisses as she floated in this overwhelming heated pleasure.

Affections she didn't realize she was capable of started to float to the surface, confusing her a little in her post orgasmic bliss as she gazes up at him.

He nods. "Most of us do want this contact, as well. Like myself. We've adapted, you see, turned this need and want into something we can use to get by in the world."

"Then, also, there's the periodic heat we fall into. It's unavoidable, I'm afraid." He doesn't mention that he's felt his own stirring vaguely in the last day or so. No point in scaring the poor fellow.

"That sounds... rough." Vash doesn't know what to say. Being one of only two of a species he's come to the assumption that sex is not something he should partake in. Too scared of if his strange genetics could possibly hurt the person he chooses to be with.

"Are you hungry?" He attempts to change the subject. "I could get you something to eat. Or would you just like to head to bed?"

It takes a small while for Azwel to regain his senses, for his breathing to grow calm. He slowly, gently pulls his lips from hers and looks down. A faintly sad look crosses his face.

He eases himself off of her and lies down on the bed next to her. He knows the chemicals will gradually leach from his brain and he'll regain his mind and loathe himself for what he's done. His eyes fall shut.

Words crowd in his brain--apologies, self-recriminations, dry observations that this is the best chance she'll have to kill him, now. But nothing comes out. He lies still, his eyes opening slightly, and looks at her face, white in the dim glow of the lamp.

Azwel doesn't miss this change of subject. But he doesn't really want to press the issue any further at the moment. The mention of food is tempting, but sleep even more so. He's so very, very tired.

Though not so much so that he can't manage a slightly teasing smile. "Mmm, and here I thought you weren't interested." He gives a soft chuckle. "I know you mean sleep. And I think I'd best take you up on that offer. It's... been quite a day." He yawns, showing pointed teeth, his ears flattening back for a moment.

Vash face does turn a shade red at the teasing. It also doesn't help that Azwel looks pretty cute with the way his ears flatten against his head when he yawns. He clears his throat and attempts to get back in control. "So, um, you can take the bed. I can just... I'm not that tired. I'll just stay up a bit longer." Translation? He's going to try to sleep in the uncomfortable looking metal chair in the room.

"You can join me," he says with a slight smile. After a beat, though, his mien grows more sincere. "I promise I won't do anything you don't wish me to. To be honest, I'm told I'm a pretty heavy sleeper. I likely won't even notice. But I'd appreciate the warmth."

"It's alright. It's a small bed and I'm not exactly... comfortable to be smashed up against while sleeping. I snore and tend to roll around a lot." He also has a lot of scars. So many scars that his pajamas would mostly hide, but given how small the bed is there was no way Azwel wouldn't be likely to brush up against one in his sleep.

Azwel almost points out he, himself, would be better off on the floor or a random piece of furniture, as the ability to sleep anywhere is another thing his people share with actual cats. He even goes so far as to take a breath to speak, to say just that, or to try one of any number of tactics he's gathered over the years to get someone into bed with him.

But weariness overtakes him, instead. He wobbles slightly. "Oh..." he blinks. "Well... I don't like to kick a man out of his own bed, but... I fear I haven't a choice, it seems."

Now, he'd best lie down before he falls down. So he does just that, lying on top of the bed. It's not long at all before he's asleep. But what's that sound?

Purring. He's so content that he's purring in his sleep.

Vash sighs softly and smiles when he hears that purring. He waits a couple hours to make sure Azwel is completely asleep before leaving some donuts out on a table for him to find. Then he heads out again. Looking to find someplace around here that might hire Azwel to work for them.

He starts getting frustrated when nearly all of them tell him to try the brothels. The problem starts coming when Vash hears whispers in the street that Vash the Stampede might be in town. Shit. Looks like he's been drawing too much attention to himself. He decides to head back to the room now.

As she settles down, the affectionate gaze is replaced by one of wariness and apprehension. Whatever the gauntlets did to them, she wasn't sure what to make of it. Rip laid there as he finally pulled himself off of her and settled beside her.

For several moments she lays there before turning on her side to study him more, her sapphire eyes guarded. Whatever was going though her mind was hard to figure out. But, she wasn't attempting to kill him at least?

When Vash comes back he'll find Azwel has woken up and eaten and is oddly happy. He'll open the door to find him stretched out on his back on the sofa, idly tossing a ball of wadded-up paper in the air and catching it. He stops and tilts his head backward until he sees an upside-down Vash and grins.

"Hullo again! Where did you go?"

"For a walk." Vash responds with a smile. "Did you leave any donuts for me?" He walks over and looks at where the donuts once were. He didn't mind if there weren't any left and will settle for eating a few crumbs. "So, before I showed up how do you usually survive around town?" Vash thinks he has a day or two before his cover is blown. He needs to quickly decide if it will be safe to ditch Azwel here of if he'll have to drag this cat around the desert.

Azwel watches him, upside-down, as he makes his way to the table, his expression wide-eyed and innocent. So, no, he didn't leave any. But when Vash asks his question Azwel rolls off the sofa and then sits on it in a manner maybe approaching normal. For the moment.

"It wasn't in this town, unfortunately," he says. "But in the city not far from here I worked as a chemist. Then the lab burned down. Some kind of fighting happened, I was told. Well, I wanted to get out and see a few more places, anyway, so I came here. I was hoping to find work here, but the townies don't take well to my kind, it seems." He huffs. "I've worked in brothels, but I'd gotten tired of that, hence the chemistry."

"Chemistry." Vash whistles. "Well, you've certainly had much better jobs than I have." He had no idea how to get a job like that one for someone. "How do you feel about a wait--"

"STAMPEDE!" Vash is suddenly interrupted before he can finish 'waitress job' by a voice from outside. Sounding very much like the man from the night before. Followed by a fairly numerous amount of laughter. Someone had brought a lot more friends this time. "I know you're up there Stampede. If you and your pet don't come down here then we'll come up there to you in exactly ten seconds."

Vash's eyes slide over from the window back to Azwel. "Do you think he means you?"

Azwel startles at that shout, ears flicking back and tail fluffing until it's nearly as big around as he is. He glances out the window, quickly noting the number of people out there and whether any of them appear armed.

"Considering how familiar he looks... I think he means us."

Even if he does figure Vash would loudly deny that Azwel is his pet.

"TEN."

Vash groans and slides up to the window. Peering out carefully. Damn. That was a lot of people and a lot of weapons. Nothing he couldn't deal with on his own, but with someone? "I think our friend down there is a bit mistaken."

"NINE."

"I'll go talk to him."

"EIGHT."

"You should head out the back and hurry to the next town."

"SEVEN."

"Take whatever you need out of my pack."

"SIX."

"ALRIGHT!" Vash shouts now out the window. "We're coming down!" Vash smiles at Azwel and pats him on the shoulder. "I'll go work out this misunderstanding. You go on ahead and I'll see you in Octovern, alright?" Vash will turn and start heading towards the door. Apparently completely serious about heading straight out into the mob.

Azwel is, if anything, confused. A little touched by this kind of sacrifice--tailless folk never do that for his people. Then again, he's beginning to suspect Vash isn't anything like most tailless.

He's so flabbergasted, in fact, that he can't bring himself to even say anything, much less stop him as he walks out the door. It takes several moments before he can even shake himself back into the present. By that time he can hear Vash talking to the people outside.

Quickly, he darts through the door and down the back steps...

And then stops. He can't let this soft-hearted fool get himself killed. It just wouldn't sit right with him at all. He paces back and forth a few steps, tail lashing. He's buying Azwel time to get out. But who knows that that mob will do to him? He has to help him. Azwel growls softly at his own conscience. Fine. FINE, he'll go and help out this silly man.

So he skirts round the building, keeping to shadows, soundless.

Vash heads out to the mob with his hands up. The smile and laughter diffuses some of the mob's thunder. They can't believe this meek looking man could possibly be the Vash the Stampede. Especially when he does nothing to stop the sucker punch to his face. Surely Vash the Stampede wouldn't whine like the way this man just did at taking one punch.

One man grabs Vash's hair and another two grab his arms. "Where's your pet? Even if you ain't the typhoon you have to be banging that pussy."

Vash simply smiles and gives his shoulder a shrug. "Left in the night. Don't know where-oof!" The man hits Vash again.

"Don't feed me that crap. I saw that thing in the hotel earlier. So where is he."

Vash sees where Azwel is and he is not happy. "Don't believe me? Why don't you go search my room. You'll see he's gone! LONG GONE"

Azwel finds himself wincing every time Vash is struck. Ooo, that looks painful. His fur bristles at the implications that mob are making--sure he would have sex with him, but, honestly, do they have to be so crass about it?

The shout of 'long gone,' however, makes him duck out of sight. He flattens himself against the wall, frowning. Does Vash have some kind of plan?

Vash certainly does not have a plan. He's sort of making it up as he goes. "Go check out his room." Three men rush inside the hotel, but there's still a pretty big group gathered.

"Aw, come on guys. Can't we talk about this? Or at least, can they be careful not to break anything? This hotel will charge me if anything is broken and I'm not sure I can afford to replace anything!" Vash whines in an annoying voice. Apparently not at all aware of the very serious trouble he was in.

Azwel's sharper hearing might be able to pick up the murmer in the crowd. This couldn't be the legendary Vash the Stampede. Mankind's first humanoid natural disaster. The humanoid typhoon worth sixty billion double dollars dead or alive. The man so deadly and dangerous that he's destroyed one city and put a giant hole in one of the five moons. Surely this pathetic man who had been so easy to catch couldn't be him. In fact a couple of the mob wander off. No longer interested as it was clear to them this wasn't going to get them a big pay check.

"Nothin' up here. Must have cleared out already." One of the thugs call out from the window.

Angerily the leader grabs Vash's chin in the vice grip. "You bastard! You think you can mock me again?"

Vash winces at the rough treatment, but continues to smile. "Me? Mock? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. I tried to tell you he was gone."

The man begins to grin wickidly. "Fine then. If the cat is gone I'll take it out on your ass instead. We can take turns." Now Vash's eyes grow dark and turn cold. A couple more people leave. They were here for a bounty. Not this but the two men hanging onto Vash stay. "Let's find us somewhere quiet." The ringleader signals the group to follow him, but when they try to push Vash forward he doesn't budge.

"We're done here." Vash says quietly. "I don't care if you hit me, but that's far enough. I suggest if you don't like pain that you leave now and stop chasing after me and him." Vash's voice is so chilling that a few do start to back away, but he's also very clearly outnumbered still.

What will Azwel do?

Were they really planning to--he peeks round the corner again. The mob have gotten smaller but there are still far too many of them. Even that cold look in Vash's eyes and the equally frigid tone in his voice doesn't quite fill him with confidence.

He ducks behind the wall again. Oh, he hates having to do this, it's so undignified.... But he can't let this stand. He takes a couple breaths.

An instant later he bursts out of hiding at a run and leaps. One foot slams into the leader's head, and Azwel's momentum carries him forward, leaving the man in a groaning heap as they tumble to the ground. Azwel snaps to his feet an instant later, and he is quite the sight, hair puffed out and ears pushed back, claws unsheathed and teeth bared. The next person to step forward gets clawed in the blink of an eye, a blow that draws blood but still leaves him standing.

He knows he's getting himself in a tonne of trouble, but he couldn't walk away.

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Page 18 of 25

AU Box

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Do you want him to get spotted as a wanted man? Or everyone to stay clueless?

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Spotted! Oh noes!

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CW: Threats of noncon. Not that Vash is going to allow anything to happen

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